While commuting home, I plopped down. Immediately, I felt constrained–next to me, a massive person took up all of his seat, and one-third of my own. But that’s not the weirdest thing.

hagrid

At least 350, I thought to myself. A standard lumberjack plaid shirt, and scraggly hair covered most of his face. He also had this cane. Not just any cane, I’ll have you know. It was supporting his massive arm, and it looked vaguely tribal doing it. Twin supports twisted around each other, bearing whatever weight he can drop on top. A notched pattern added a surface texture and a folk-art feel. Cast any spells with that staff? I thought to myself. I’m very brave with my internal dialogue..

His hair and frame reminded me of a golem from Judaica. This mental image was corroborated with his otherworldly cane. The pair together made for a tight squeeze (or tighter, really) on the train home.

But at least the commute was interesting.

Walking around a mall this past weekend, my wife and I saw what looked like a life-sized Ken doll. Aside from the slightly largish head/hair to body ratio, we couldn’t stop looking at his chest.

This we decided, was intentional.
fms
His polo shirt was a size or three small. Additionally, it seemed like the portion beneath his pectoral muscles was taped up to keep the definition up, so to speak.

I immediately thought he looked like John Basedow, the bobble-headed fitness guru that appears in infomercials touting his Fitness Made Simple plan.

Then I realized, IT WAS JOHN BASEDOW. One of the rolling advertisement kiosks confirmed it for me. Holy crap! Blankish, vacant stare, 90′s hair, everything!

He was with a shorter brunette, who had a similar sheen of sell. I recognized her face on the FMS website–it turns out she is none other than Fran Capo. The world’s fastest talker. Hanging out with JB. At the mall.

© 2010 Curated City Suffusion WordPress theme by Sayontan Sinha